At A Glance: Bob Howard is a computer-hacker desk jockey, who has more than enough trouble keeping up with the endless paperwork he has to do on a daily basis. He should never be called on to do anything remotely heroic. But for some reason, he is.

What the Goose? The good evil folks at the Secret Lair had decided in the last podcast¹ to add this book to the Secret Library.² Being a loyal minion friend and wanting to support these good evil folk, I decided to give this one a read.³

I’ll admit that I have had this book in my library for some time now.⁴ I tried reading it. Twice. But I found it a bit too dry for me. A bit too technical. So I put it down each time after only the first chapter and let it gather dust for awhile, thinking I’d get back to it eventually.

When the Overlords⁵ announced this was going to be discussed next, I decided to try again. And, thankfully, Audible even had it as an audiobook I could download. Woohoo! I can read any book⁶ during my 45 minute drive to and from work in Akron. I downloaded it to the ol’ iPod⁷ and away we go.

By the way, I’m not a fan of the Hard Sci-Fi genre. Don’t get me wrong, there are many stories of sci-fi that I enjoy immensely, including such authors as Isaac Asimov and Lois McMaster Bujold,⁸ just to name two. But Hard Sci-Fi just isn’t in my bailiwick of what I like to read.

The Atrocity Archives consists of two long, related novellas, The Atrocity Archives and The Concrete Jungle. And in both we follow along in the footsteps of Bob Howard, a computer hacker/techie who works for the Laundry, which in turn is your basic British black ops unit that defends the world from occult happenings, including anything we would consider found within the Cthulhu mythos.

Yes, folks. Sounds like it should be a blend of 007 and Cthulhu, right? I was expecting a mash-up of Ian Fleming and H. P. Lovecraft, complete with action, adventure, gadgets, fast women, and fast cars mixed in with tentacle-wearing horrors, mind-wracking monstrosities, or evil-mad cultists. What I read was closer to a technical text-book on how Alan Turing, the father of modern computer science, completed his theorem on “Phase Conjugate Grammars for Extra-dimensional Summoning” and made it possible to summon demons and cast spells using computers and palm pilots.⁹

I had a hard time finishing the book. When Howard started on a monologue¹⁰ on how things worked or where things came from, my mind wandered greatly. The story was very interesting, in and of itself, especially when it included demon possession, dimension hopping, damsels in distress, dead planets, zombie guards, and gorgon-wielding bureaucrats. But the blandness and frequency of the paperwork descriptions and complaints or the technical mumbo-jumbo just lost me. There were times when I’d start the book up for the drive, and I’d have to listen for a few minutes, skimming back and forth,¹¹ trying to figure out if I had somehow skipped a chapter. Other times, I’d leave the book for a day to listen to a gaming-related podcast or even just the radio.

Yes, I found it very bland, indeed.

I’ve not read anything else by Mr. Stross. If I have to base the likelihood of my reading him again based on this book alone, the chances are very slim that I’d pick up another Stross story. If his other books are written similarly to this, then I can say now that I’m not going to be a Charles Stross fan. My apologies, sir.

I do want to be sure to give two thumbs up to the narrator of this version, Gideon Emery. He did a fantastic job. The character voices were all distinctive, and I think he read this book the way it was meant to be read.¹²

As for recommendations, I’d say anyone who really enjoys Hard Sci-Fi mixed with Cthulhu and sprinkled profusely with dry procedural nonsense would greatly enjoy this book.

Suck-o-meter: This book Kinda Sucked.

1. The last one I listened to at the time of writing this, anyway. There could be more out. I still don’t know the schedule they’re using.
2. Though, it’s not really all that secret.
3. Despite the fact that the previous novels selected have held either little interest for me or were very poor choices in general.
4. In the form of the anthology On Her Majesty’s Occult Service, which consists of two main books, The Atrocity Archives and The Jennifer Morgue.
5. Kris and Chris, for those who don’t know them, on the Secret Lair.
6. Or so I thought.
7. I really need to find a good name for my iPod Touch. Something goose-related.
8. Spaceships and robots make it sci-fi to me. Please don’t yell.
9. Yeah, seriously. The protagonist does it many times throughout the book.
10. These could be either internal or external. Sometimes, I couldn’t tell the difference.
11. Not while I was driving. Thanks.
12. Unfortunately, perhaps, that way is very dry and English, for lack of a better description.

Sabra and I had always been very curious about the classes and events offered by the school, a local Chesterland establishment, and we both were very much looking forward to the evening’s dinner and festivities. The brochure from the school simply stated that it would be a romantic evening and included the night’s menu.

Thankfully, we have some very good friends who live nearby and were able to divvy up the Gaggle among them. So, my lovely wife and I were able to enjoy the night, just the two of us. This in and of itself is always a big deal.

We arrived with big smiles on our faces at the School, at which point we were told we needed to go down the road to the Institute. Both of us were confused, as we didn’t know of the existence of this other building less than a mile down the road. And it’s a large building indeed. Upon entering the lobby, we were treated to a formally dressed violinist beautifully playing love songs. Sabra enjoyed this, and with each new song she would smile again, telling me the song title, all of which were romantic, or so she told me.³

A hostess greeted us and gave us our table assignment, a carnation corsage for the wife, and a small booklet full of many of the recipes we would be enjoying that evening. We were told to begin with hors d’œuvres which were presented in a room all their own, and instructed to try as many as we wished. Coats hung, and with hands entwined, we walked into a grand kitchen decked out with a stunning array of appetizers. We each grabbed a plateful of some fine fare, made our way to table #22 and met some nice folks.⁴

Let me tell you, the first bite of food (and consequently every bite thereafter) was amazing. These people know how to cook! The entire meal, we were informed, was entirely prepared by the senior student chefs.⁵ Well, I think they’ve cultivated their trade very well indeed.

Loretta Paganini herself stood and welcomed us all to the Institute and thanked us for sharing the evening with them. She mentioned that since the women received corsages, then the men should receive something in turn. At that point, she instructed the women to give us a kiss. Twice.⁶ Cute, eh?

Then the first demonstration began. Throughout the evening something would be demonstrated and then served to us – really fun! The first course was roasted red pepper terrine with arugula sauce. Oh, my – delicious. Good food continued. Next came a small cup of lobster bisque. MMmmmmm….! After that? Artichoke agnolotti.⁷ This demonstration was as fun to watch as the food was good to eat. Loretta’s daughter, Stephanie Paganini, explained how they teach children to cook by using stories; for learning pasta, they told the story of Pompeii. Stories are always Sabra’s favorite part of any celebration.

And then, the main course:

• Salad with caramelized walnuts & chevre with champagne vinaigrette (not pictured).
• Panchetta-wrapped beef fillet medallions with balsamic reduction.
• Roasted asparagus bundles in citrus sauce.
• Potato leek torte.

OOoo-hoo-hoo, my. Thankfully, with the demonstrations and such, the pacing of the meal allowed time to digest so we were never uncomfortably full at any point. The portions, though not family sized, were adequate and packed with a symphony of flavors.⁸ I imagine this is what you would be getting at any 4-star gourmet restaurant. We were able to enjoy the food and not feel overwhelmed by the sheer amount of it!⁹

Finally, we arrive at the favorite time of the meal: Dessert.¹⁰ We returned to the room that had housed the hors d’œuvres, but those were gone and had been replaced by a vast amount of desserts. I loaded up two plates¹¹ and Sabra one. Rather than describe, I’ll let you look at some pictures. Yes, they tasted as good as they looked.

After all that, the night ended with some real Italian gelato. I tried, and loved, the vanilla. Sabra let me have a taste of the carrot-orange-lemon. That one didn’t sit quite as well on my tongue. But they had one thing in common. Smooth! MMmmmMMmmmm.

Yes, this was a night to remember. Well worth the money. Well worth the time.

Plus, I had my wife all to myself for a few hours. That was the sweetest thing of the entire evening.

1. Actually, I bought it for her as a Christmas gift, which I gave to her by way of a card. Yes, fellas, I used one gift for two holidays. Live and learn.
2. The dinner was purchased from Paganini’s, but it took place at the International Culinary Arts & Sciences Institute.
3. Sorry, folks. I’m not at all hip as to what romantic music really sounds like. Perhaps it’s part of being a guy, or part of just being me…
4. Including, coincidentally, the manager of the local McDonalds and his wife. They were fun to talk with as the evening progressed.
5. Five of them, anyway. Yes, the meal from appetizers through to the main course was prepared by five chefs, who began the day at 8:00 am. The dinner started at 6:00 pm and didn’t end until after 10:00 pm. A long day indeed for this folks.
6. Apparently in Italy, you can spot the tourists by the way they kiss. Americans? Peck on the cheek. Italians? Kissing with gusto! TWICE!
7. I only knew it was agnolotti because of the demonstration. I thought it was ravioli. I’m not a food snob, so my apologies.
8. Anyone who has had the opportunity to see Ratatouille knows what I mean.
9. Which reminds me, Loretta had mentioned a couple of times during the night that we would finish just in time for breakfast. Seriously.
10. All the desserts were handled by another five student chefs, separate from the five that were over the dinner. My wife calls them the Sugar Plum Faeries.
11. Dessert sized-plates just aren’t large enough, let me tell you.

For the first time, I broke 100 visitors on my site in one day! Now, that may seem like small peanuts to, well, everyone. But for me, for my personal blog site, that’s a milestone I never really thought I’d hit. As I explained to my lovely wife, it’s to me like performing in front of a packed auditorium is to her. The total for the day was 135, and I’m floored. Seems like a lot of folks enjoyed reading the birth story of our new baby boy, as evidenced by the 100+ visitors to that page alone.

And this made me ponder what I want to do with this blog. Do I continue my comments/reviews of books, television, movies and games? Do I add in more stories of family and home life? I’m not really sure. Obviously, the birth of a baby is always of interest to folks, especially family and friends. I’m sure this number is going to be my high point for quite some time. And, as I think on it, I really marketed that post for all it was worth without realizing it. I had so many people, on-line and off, wanting to hear the story, I just started pointing them to my blog to read it.

Gosh, duh. I guess marketing works when you have a product people want to learn more about, eh?

Anyway, I had been thinking on making a personal schedule of themes and days to write and such. Now seems to be a great time.

I rolled out of bed, when my lovely wife informed me that she had been having a couple of contractions. My stress level immediately went up a couple of notches.

“Are these pre-labor¹ or the real thing?” I asked her.

“I’m not sure,” was her reply. You see, it’s not unusual for Sabra to have the occasional labor pain weeks before her due date as her body prepares to eject the clone growing within. She had had a few contractions this morning, but they were irregular. So, after a bit of discussion, we decided that I may as well get the kids ready to go.² I did so, promised to call her to check up on her, and away we went.

I was a bit tense during the meetings,³ and called her a couple of times. Sabra said she had had one more, but none for an hour and a half during a phone conversation she had with a close friend.

My stress level was still a little high, but was declining since it seemed, to me, that we weren’t heading to the hospital soon. Sunday meetings over, I collected the Gaggle, loaded them in the van, and we headed home.

Upon arriving, I walked in to find that Sabra was having another contraction. Stress level climbing again. No, they still weren’t coming regularly, but they were “sharp,” as my wife calls them. This isn’t normal for the pre-labor stuff. Normally those would be dull. Uncomfortable, but nothing to worry about. “Sharp” meant that hospital might be in our future after all.

For the next several hours, she had a few more. But, again, not in any regular sort of pattern. She could have one, go an hour and then have three, then go another two hours before something would happen. Well, crap. Sabra had decided to begin packing her hospital bag, just in case, and I had been trying to help with that, just in case.

And then time was coming for another Sunday meeting, in which I was supposed to be singing with a men’s chorus. “Should I go?” I asked her. I was very worried/scared at this point, and didn’t want to leave my wife alone.

“Well, why don’t you see if Heather⁴ can take the kids during your meeting, so I can relax and finish packing. That would really help,” she answered.⁵

I had nodded my head, “Of course. That makes sense.” So, I called Heather, asked the favor which she accepted quickly. “You know, I think we should just plan on taking you over to UH⁶ tonight, after the meeting. Since Heather will have the kids anyway,” I mentioned. “Plus, I think I’ll just stay long enough to sing with the guys, then come home after.”

Sabra had agreed. So, off I went to drop off the Gaggle⁷ and head back to church. An hour or so later, I was heading back home. Sabra had finished packing and I quickly dragged out the suitcase to the van.⁸ She had had a few more “sharp” contractions and, to me, was looking like she was needing to get to the hospital, and within easy reach of painkillers if she needed them.⁹

And this, my friends, is where the real drama begins. At 8:00 pm, as we’re literally just heading for the door, the water breaks. Well, my stress/fear¹⁰ level just went through the roof.

“Let’s go!” I yelped. Towels grabbed and applied to seat, wife loaded, and away we sped. The planned route was to take Wilson Mills into Cleveland, on our way to UH.

Well, we had just barely passed under 271 and weren’t very much passed the Home Depot found there, when I’m informed that I had better turn around and head to Hillcrest Hospital, which is closer to our house, instead. “I’m not going to make it to Cleveland,” she says.

“Okay!” I yelp again. Yes, I’m scared. I quickly find a road to turn around on so I can turn around, jump on the freeway for the quick couple of miles south to Mayfield Rd. and thus to Hillcrest.

No sooner do I make that turn then: “Stop the car!”

“What?”

“Stop the car!” And so I do. My wife throws open her door and gets out.

“What are you doing?!”

“I just need to stand up a minute.” You see, she had been writhing in her seat, very uncomfortable and in pain during some contractions¹¹ and need to relieve the pressure. So she stood just outside the door, leaning on her arms on the seat, as the contraction passed.

She picks up her leg to get back in, when I hear: “Call 911!”

“Are you serious?!”

“Call now! Get over here!”

Well, that did it. I throw open my door as I’m dialing 911. I race around the van, and I’m too late. My wife has already delivered her own baby. She had caught the head in one hand, the body in the other. I drop down in a crouch to make sure she’s not on the verge of falling or dropping him. She climbed back in the van, and as we are making sure all is covered, she says, “It’s a boy!” The time? 8:15 pm.

Holy crap!!!

“911 operator. What’s the emergency?”

Huh? Oh, right! I had called 911. “We just had a baby in our VAN!” I’m yelling.

“Okay, sir. Where are you?” Why does she sound so darn calm?!

“Oh, uhm. Hang on, I have to look at the sign… We on the corner of Wilson Mills and Millridge. Please hurry! We just had a baby!”¹² I was yelling, I’m pretty sure.

“An ambulance is on the way.”

Mom and baby are covered up and put back in the van, heat is cranked up, and I’m shaking. I’m back in the driver’s seat, letting my dear, darling, beautiful wife know that help was on the way. Two minutes later, police are on site and my wife is assessed. This officer even remarked to me that she seemed markedly calm despite having just given birth. Three minutes after that, the ambulance arrives. My wife is assessed and loaded. I’m waved over to cut the cord. Soon, I’m back in the van, following the ambulance and police car the few miles needed back to Hillcrest.

What follows is a bit hazy in my memory. I remember walking into the ER after my wife on her gurney, a row of what seemed like 10 nurses lined up smiling, ready to receive her. Questions asked and answered, and my eyes only for my wife and our new baby boy. Holy crap! Did this just really happen? Yes, it did.

They’re home now. Mom and new gosling doing well. My life is enriched even further, and I love telling this story. Even more than the last one when I caught our baby boy in the hospital because the nurses and midwife had stepped out for just a minute.¹³

Denin Millridge¹⁴ Gosselin is home.

1. As I call them. You know, those Braxton Hicks things.
2. Sabra hadn’t been to church in a few weeks as sitting in the pews and chairs were extremely uncomfortable for her during the last bit of the pregnancy.
3. For those not LDS, you need to know that our Sunday meetings consist of three meetings, each one hour long, including our congregational meeting (Sacrament), Sunday School, and another meeting we call Priesthood or Relief Society.
4. Our WONDERFUL friends, Heather and Rich, had offered many times to help out in any way they could when the time came. We’re so blessed and happy to have them as friends, and especially to have them living five miles away. Oh, so close.
5. She kept saying she wanted to be supportive of my singing, at which I was rolling my eyes pointing out that LABOR and DELIVERY trumped singing any day in my book.
6. University Hospitals, in Cleveland, about a 30 minute drive from our house.
7. I had them pack jammies and other sundry over-night needs.
8. I should point out that I forgot to pack extra diapers for the youngest of them, so I had to make a diaper drop run before we left.
9. Though she has only used them once. No, seriously! au natural baby!
10. Ladies, I know, you are doing all the work and feeling all the pain. But this is the scariest time for us guys. Why? Because we are absolutely powerless to do ANYTHING, and we really, really HATE that feeling. Plus, it’s a time when you lay your lives on the line, and we could lose you. Yes, we hate that thought even more.
11. Contractions, as anyone knows who has been in labor, is worse when the water breaks.
12. Please note: I’m not completely certain on the accuracy of this call. You’ll understand.
13. I’ll tell that one some other time, if you want.
14. Yes, we named him after the street he was born on.

Starring: Robert Downey, Jr., Jude Law, The Time Traveler’s Wife, and Mark Strong.

Directing: Guy Ritchie

At A Glance:

In a dynamic new portrayal of Arthur Conan Doyle’s most famous characters, Sherlock Holmes sends Holmes and his stalwart partner Watson on their latest challenge. Revealing fighting skills as lethal as his legendary intellect, Holmes will battle as never before to bring down a new nemesis and unravel a deadly plot that could destroy the country.¹

What The Goose?: I am a Sherlock Holmes fan. Though I haven’t read everything ever written by Sir Conan Doyle,² I do own a collection that contains most of the adventures of the great detective. And, yes, I even read them.

When I first heard this movie was coming, and that the lead role was being filled by Tony Stark Robert Downey, Jr., I was excited! Tossing in Sky Captain Jude Law as Dr. Watson was just icing on the cake. Then, I saw the first of the previews… Well, it certainly looked action-packed and interesting, but I couldn’t recall Holmes ever boxing. “Oh, no big deal,” I thought. “I can handle some liberties.”

Christmas Day came and went. Obviously, I can’t see a movie on that day. Have to spend time with the family. But, New Year’s Day came, and an opportunity for some babysitting presented itself. My wife and I quickly took advantage of it and decided, after hearing some reviews from friends and relatives, that we would take a chance on this one.

Our reaction? We liked it, but something seemed off. Seriously, we still can’t put a finger on it. We very much enjoyed Downey’s Holmes and Law’s Watson. Their portrayals are definitely different from what one typically imagines for these literary characters.³

And Holmes’ fighting? It was original. Twice the viewer was brought along as Holmes went through within seconds in his mind on the best way to incapacitate his opponent, then proceeded to do so. Was it appropriate to the character as written by Sir Conan Doyle? Not sure, really. I want to pull out the stories I have and read through them and see if this is supported in any fashion. Also, Watson turns out to be a pretty darn good fighter as well. And that, honestly, was easier for me to swallow, given his military background.

I have to mention Mark Strong. First of all, one glance at his entry on IMDB shows that he’s quite the popular actor these days,⁴and though I’ve seen many of the movies in which he’s appeared, I wouldn’t have been able to point him out to you. That has now changed. He made Lord Blackwood,⁵ his own. Now I want to add many of his movies back to my Netflix queue just to find him and see what he did. Though, I will admit that I kept thinking through the movie that he was really Andy Garcia. Ah well, my bad.⁶

And Rachel McAdams? Eye candy on the screen and rather believable as Holmes’ old flame, not to mention a criminal mastermind in her own right. It was fun watching the chemistry.

All in all, it’s a very enjoyable flick. And, perhaps, I’m just getting more selective or demanding in my movie expectations. All I can say is, there was just something off in the movie. Not the pacing. Not the acting. Not even the writing. Just… something.

And the verdict? This movie didn’t suck… Though, I really wish it had sucked less than it did.

1. Quoted from the Sherlock Holmes movie website.
2. A guy actually named Conan. How cool is that? I wonder why Robert E. Howard chose “Conan” as the name of his most famous barbarian. I’m going to have to see if I can find that one out now.
3. Holmes as a disorganized and disorderly drunk. Watson as rather fastidious in appearance and demeanor, and someone that women would want.
4. He’s going to be in John Carter of Mars and Robin Hood, among others! Holy crap!
5. A name I just have to steal for one of my RPG games.
6. You have to admit, there is a strong likeness.

2009 was a year of relative stagnation for The Bearded Goose. I feel that I’ve accomplished very little, and I haven’t really progressed or grown over the course of those last twelve months.

Don’t get me wrong, it’s not as though I was sitting on my broad backside doing nothing. I had a large family to provide for. I had games to play and books to read. Movies and television shows were watched. Church was even attended. But, as I look at myself, I didn’t learn or do much of anything new.

Perhaps I’ve only lost track of those things I did do or things that helped me grow… But, frankly, I doubt it.

The only part of 2009 where I feel like I stretched myself a bit was in my involvement in the year’s production of This is Kirtland. I’ve had the large opportunity of being involved in that stage production for every year of its existence. The first year, I was cast in the part of Parley P. Pratt, in which I had to sing. In the following four years, I was cast as Christopher Crary, the narrator of the show, and obviously in which I had a large speaking part to memorize, but no singing. This did not make me sad.

In 2009, we had a new director and I was cast in the part of Newel K. Whitney, owner of the Whitney Store in Kirtland. And not only did I have to sing, I had to join in a short duet in the first song of the show every night. Singing is usually uncomfortable for me, but I found throughout the course of the rehearsals and subsequent performances that I really enjoyed singing. I found a bit more confidence in my ability and realized I could be a true participant in the show.

And that’s the only part of the year in which I felt that I progressed or grew in some fashion.

Pretty pitiful, no?

And so, with 2010 starting and the accompanying new year’s worth of resolutions to make, it occurs to me that, this year, I want to be sure to accomplish something. A good practice would be to make some goals surrounding these areas of a life: physical, mental, spiritual, professional and familial.

With that, throughout the month, I’m going to do something I’ve avoided doing for years. I’m going to make goals. Yes, ladies and gents, the Goose himself is going to write down things in which he wants to progress.

I guess this means I’m finally maturing. Well, crap.

How have I fared in these endeavors?

1. NaBloWriMo: Obviously, I dropped the ball on this one waaaaaaay back on the fourth, when I failed to post anything. And then I continued that trend up until today. Yeah, doing this whole post-every-day thing is tough. The hardest part, I found, wasn’t so much coming up with something to say each day, but which of the many somethings did I want to focus on. And, as is so often the case when I find myself faced with too many decisions, I instead pull out a game.¹ Heh.

2. NaNoWriMo: Well, this one, I’m not even completely sure why I put my name in the hat. My wife actually mentioned it to me, hoping that I’d take part. But at the same time, with our gaggle of soon to be seven goslings underfoot, I just don’t have the time to sit and put something down, whether analog or digital doesn’t matter.²

Though, if I were honest with myself, I’m sure I could mention that I spent a lot of time playing games³ or watching Hulu⁴ or any of many other activities of which I’m sure I could have set aside to actually write a novel.

But who likes to be honest with themselves?

3. HoNoToGroABeMo: Aaah, now this one. This one was easy. Unfortunately, since I can’t NOT grow a beard, I’m near the bottom of those with less-then-hairy faces. Yes, my blood cells apparently are as hairy as anything else on or in my body, so facial hair just likes to grow and grow and grow. But, the most wonderful thing about this gathering of geeks trying to not grow facial hair while not shaving is the fact that we’ve raised a rather sizable chunk of change! Yes, as of this writing, we are up to $1,676.25. This is nothing to sneeze at, considering especially that the initial thought was that we’d be lucky to raise $500. This is indeed overwhelming and humbling. Thank you to all who have found fit to donate to the cause.

And that’s it! Yes, of the three endeavors, I’m succeeding… well, I guess at none of them.

But hey! At least I’m being somewhat honest with myself. Ha!

1. Sometimes on Facebook, sometimes on the iPod Touch, and sometimes online with some Olde Fartz.
2. And it doesn’t help that I didn’t even have a story idea of any kind.
3. again
4. By the way, if you’re on there, friend me up.

At last count, I had over 200 board and card games, including various expansions and such that comes out for them. As for RPGs, I have well over 100 books for a large variety of systems.¹ And, on top of that, I’ve been purchasing RPG PDFs for quite a few years now,² and I think I have twice as many PDFs as hard copy books, though I haven’t counted those up in quite some time.

The saddest thing of all, though, is that I don’t have anywhere near the time I would like to play all this stuff. It’s a happy yet sad problem. Anytime we³ head out to visit family or friends, I usually load up a milk crate with a small selection of games, in the hopes that I may be able to sit someone at a table and play something. My wife supports this, thankfully, as this hobby is very social.

Actually, it was one of her long-time friends⁴ who first got us into this whole “Eurogaming” thing years ago. They would do the same thing whenever they came⁵ to our house. We could always count on them to bring a new stack of games they’d found. They introduced us to Settlers of Catan, Ticket to Ride, Carcassone, Evo,⁶ etc. We also always had to play a number of games of Euchre.

These days, my gaming addiction is fed when I go to the International House of Johnson, where lives Overlord Johnson himself, his lovely wife, and his young apprentice. We meet every two weeks and play, well, anything. These days, we’re in the midst of a Savage Worlds RPG game set in Roger Zelazny’s Amber, and GM’d by none other than Overlord Miller himself.

But, damn, I wish I could game more than that. Why? Because I want to play Exalted. I want to play True20. I want to play Mutants & Masterminds, D&D 4e, Burning Wheel, Untold, Star Wars Saga, Pathfinder, Fantasycraft, Fireborn, Legend of the Five Rings, Alpha & Omega, etc.⁷

I want to play Descent, Battlelore, Arkham Asylum, Cosmic Encounter, Age of Conan, Dominion,⁸ Pandemic, Race for the Galaxy, Smallworld, Keltis, Tomb, Wasabi, Titan, etc.⁹

Thankfully, my gaggle of gosslings are getting to the age where they’re interesting! Yes, old enough to read and write and count. Thus! Old enough to game! Yes, I can pull out Settlers of Catan and play with my two oldest sons and the wife. I can pull out Battlelore and wage war on my oldest son. I can toss down some Munchkin and backstab and steal to my heart’s content.

Well, usually. They still have to do their schooling and chores. And I have my own honey-do list to work off. But, thankfully, I can usually toss in one, maybe two, more game nights into any given month with just my family.

Haha to all you people that stood in shock and wonder when I said I had six little shin-kickers. Little did you know that I was training my own “next generation” in gaming!

But, damn, I wish I could game more…

1. Keep in mind this counts for all the D&D 4e books and Star Wars Saga books, etc.
2. Curse you, RPGnow.com!
3. The Gaggle of Gosslings, as it were.
4. Hyun Joo and Jason Zuck, for anyone that may know them
5. Usually after a 3-5 hour drive. Yes, they lived a fair distance away.
6. If you haven’t played Evo, by the way, you really, really need to. Let me know when you want to play, and I’ll come over with my copy in hand.
7. And yes, I have all of these. Sick, ain’t it?
8. Another must play, by the way. MUST!
9. Again, yes, these are all in my collection.

Published by DAW (January 6, 2009)

ISBN-10: 0756405327
ISBN-13: 978-0756405328

At A Glance: What would happen if an author went back to the darker themes of the original fairy tales for his plots, and then crossed the Disney princesses with Charlie’s Angels? What’s delivered is The Stepsister Scheme—a whole new take on what happened to Cinderella and her prince after the wedding. And with Jim C. Hines penning the tale readers can bet it won’t be “and they lived happily ever after.”

What The Goose?: Let me start with this: I can’t wait to read the next book¹ in the series! This is the first yarn I’ve read by writer Jim Hines² . And if the rest of his books read anything like this, I’m going to be getting my hands on everything I can.

Now, as the synopsis says, mix Disney princesses with Charlie’s Angels³ . Now, you may perhaps be wondering which of the princesses, aside from Cinderella (Danielle), makes this titanic trio. First, we have Snow White, (Ermilina, though she preferes Snow.) She’s a master of mirror magic and flirting. And then, to round out the trio, we have Sleeping Beauty (Talia, don’t call her Sleeping Beauty). She doesn’t sleep anymore, and with her fairy gifts of beauty, grace and wit, she’s become an excellent assassin. Yes, you read that right.

Hines does a great job turning all these stories on their ears, adding a twist, and shaking well. I’d give examples, but I really don’t want to ruin your reading pleasure. But, wait until you see Snow White’s Seven Dwarves.

This is also very much a good-vs-evil type of story, so if you enjoy those, you’ll enjoy this.

Suck-O-Meter: This book Really Didn’t Suck.

1. Book 2, The Mermaid’s Madness is already out in your local bookstore and, probably, library. I’ll be grabbing mine, soon!
2. Thank you, @KJToo, for the loan
3. A reviewer on Goodreads suggested a mash-up of the Brothers Grimm and the Powerpuff Girls

1. NaBloWriMo (National Blog Writing Month), in which I shall endeavor to draft and publish a blog post each and every day throughout the month of November.

2. NaNoWriMo (National Novel Writing Month), in which I shall endeavor to draft up a novel, writing 50,000 words for it throughout the month of November.

3. HoNoToGroABeMo (How Not To Grow A Beard Month), in which I shave off the beard and let it grow back, all the while supporting breast cancer in Beards4Boobs.

So, yep, going to be a very interesting and busy month. Let’s see if I survive to my birthday.