Starring: Robert Downey, Jr., Jude Law, The Time Traveler’s Wife, and Mark Strong.

Directing: Guy Ritchie

At A Glance:

In a dynamic new portrayal of Arthur Conan Doyle’s most famous characters, Sherlock Holmes sends Holmes and his stalwart partner Watson on their latest challenge. Revealing fighting skills as lethal as his legendary intellect, Holmes will battle as never before to bring down a new nemesis and unravel a deadly plot that could destroy the country.¹

What The Goose?: I am a Sherlock Holmes fan. Though I haven’t read everything ever written by Sir Conan Doyle,² I do own a collection that contains most of the adventures of the great detective. And, yes, I even read them.

When I first heard this movie was coming, and that the lead role was being filled by Tony Stark Robert Downey, Jr., I was excited! Tossing in Sky Captain Jude Law as Dr. Watson was just icing on the cake. Then, I saw the first of the previews… Well, it certainly looked action-packed and interesting, but I couldn’t recall Holmes ever boxing. “Oh, no big deal,” I thought. “I can handle some liberties.”

Christmas Day came and went. Obviously, I can’t see a movie on that day. Have to spend time with the family. But, New Year’s Day came, and an opportunity for some babysitting presented itself. My wife and I quickly took advantage of it and decided, after hearing some reviews from friends and relatives, that we would take a chance on this one.

Our reaction? We liked it, but something seemed off. Seriously, we still can’t put a finger on it. We very much enjoyed Downey’s Holmes and Law’s Watson. Their portrayals are definitely different from what one typically imagines for these literary characters.³

And Holmes’ fighting? It was original. Twice the viewer was brought along as Holmes went through within seconds in his mind on the best way to incapacitate his opponent, then proceeded to do so. Was it appropriate to the character as written by Sir Conan Doyle? Not sure, really. I want to pull out the stories I have and read through them and see if this is supported in any fashion. Also, Watson turns out to be a pretty darn good fighter as well. And that, honestly, was easier for me to swallow, given his military background.

I have to mention Mark Strong. First of all, one glance at his entry on IMDB shows that he’s quite the popular actor these days,⁴and though I’ve seen many of the movies in which he’s appeared, I wouldn’t have been able to point him out to you. That has now changed. He made Lord Blackwood,⁵ his own. Now I want to add many of his movies back to my Netflix queue just to find him and see what he did. Though, I will admit that I kept thinking through the movie that he was really Andy Garcia. Ah well, my bad.⁶

And Rachel McAdams? Eye candy on the screen and rather believable as Holmes’ old flame, not to mention a criminal mastermind in her own right. It was fun watching the chemistry.

All in all, it’s a very enjoyable flick. And, perhaps, I’m just getting more selective or demanding in my movie expectations. All I can say is, there was just something off in the movie. Not the pacing. Not the acting. Not even the writing. Just… something.

And the verdict? This movie didn’t suck… Though, I really wish it had sucked less than it did.

1. Quoted from the Sherlock Holmes movie website.
2. A guy actually named Conan. How cool is that? I wonder why Robert E. Howard chose “Conan” as the name of his most famous barbarian. I’m going to have to see if I can find that one out now.
3. Holmes as a disorganized and disorderly drunk. Watson as rather fastidious in appearance and demeanor, and someone that women would want.
4. He’s going to be in John Carter of Mars and Robin Hood, among others! Holy crap!
5. A name I just have to steal for one of my RPG games.
6. You have to admit, there is a strong likeness.

Starring: Nicolas Cage, Chandler Canterbury, Rose Byrne, and Lara Robinson.

Directing: Alex Proyas

At A Glance: A teacher opens a time capsule that has been dug up at his son’s elementary school; in it are some chilling predictions — some that have already occurred and others that are about to — that lead him to believe his family plays a role in the events that are about to unfold.

What The Goose? This had a very promising beginning. As the synopsis states, a time capsule is unearthed and opened. Within it are pictures that the children of the elementary school where it was buried had drawn, depicting what they thought the world would be like 50 years in the future (the pictures were drawn in 1959). But, one of those pages doesn’t have a picture, but instead is full  of numbers. Line after line of seemingly random numbers.

The movies progresses fairly quickly with Nic Cage finding that the numbers correspond to dates when tragedies happened, as well as the number of people that died in said tragedy. It takes a few more minutes of the movie to show that the other numbers between these dates were the location (longitude and latitude) of said tragedy. But, there are only three dates left on the sheet.

Now, I started to enjoy this movie, despite the fact that aliens were obviously involved. Depending on who you talk to, including my wife, you may find that these aliens were actually angels. But the end of the movie shows to me that they’re aliens. Why? Well, see, I have a problem with angels using spaceships. Yeah, I know. Close minded am I.

And that’s really my biggest problem with it. The aliens. Couldn’t you come up with something else, Hollywood? Aliens? Really? Also, the movie just seemed really, really, really drawn out. The tension level was kept high and long for most of the movie, leaving me feeling tired within the first hour. I was so ready for it to be over.

So, in a nutshell, this is just another Big Apocalypse movie where aliens come down to save mankind by taking away those who “hear the call.” They take these kids (I presume, given that the two main kids of the show were the only ones we actually saw) to another planet, where they’re set down in a really badly rendered CGI wheat field, near a glowing white tree (Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil anyone?).

Whoopdeedoo!

My verdict? This movie Almost Sucked.

Starring: Amanda Tapping, Michael Shanks, Ben Browder, Christopher Judge, and MacGyver

Directing: Martin Wood

At A Glance: When Teal’c (Christopher Judge) and Vala (Claudia Black), the last of the Goa’uld System Lords, vanish into thin air, Carter (Amanda Tapping), Daniel (Michael Shanks) and Mitchell (Ben Browder) trek back in time and find a world where the Stargate program never existed — and the Goa’uld are set to conquer. This feature-length continuation of the Stargate SG-1 series also stars Cliff Simon as the evil Ba’al and Beau Bridges as Maj. Gen. Landry.

What the Goose? I’m a Stargate fan. I’ve enjoyed that universe since the first Stargate movie in 1994 with Kurt Russell and James Spader. I’ve watched many a Stargate: SG-1 show, though here I have to admit that I’ve not seen them all. I realize the series is out on DVD, but I just don’t have the time to invest in watching season after season. I’ve enjoyed the show as much as the movie, and I especially enjoy Richard Dean Anderson’s Jack O’Neill.

This straight-to-DVD movie is just as ejoyable as the show. It’s basically an extended episode, and while this may turn some folks off, I didn’t mind it. Also, this is a time-travel episode, which for Stargate is new, as far as my limited knowledge tells me. Normally, time-travel is very off-putting for me. Why? Because I hate paradoxes that don’t make sense. This movie, however, didn’t cause me any undue headaches. Ba’al, the last system lord, travels back in time via a ‘Gate to destroy the first gate. Then he heads on back to the future, where he becomes the top Goa’uld, forcing the rest to accept his leadership or be destroyed. Earth is next on his agenda.

And we get to follow Mitchell, Carter and Jackson as they try to clean up the mess. They were in ‘Gate transit while the timeline shifted, thus allowing them to continue their outside-the-timeline existance.

This was as well crafted as the series had been. If you enjoyed the show, you’ll enjoy this flick.

Starring: Brendan Fraser, Josh Hutcherson,  Anita Briem, and other rather forgettable folk.

Directing: Eric Brevig

At A Glance: Science professor Trevor (Brendan Fraser) has become the laughingstock of the academic community thanks to his outrageous theories. While on a trip to Iceland, Trevor, his nephew Sean (Josh Hutcherson) and their guide Hannah (Anita Briem) find themselves at the center of the planet, having discovered a whole world within our world. Adapted from the Jules Verne fantasy novel, this film (presented in 2D) marks the directorial debut of Eric Brevig.

What the Goose? Go read the book. Seriously! You’ll get more enjoyment out of it. Heck, the book had a very prominent role in this flick.

My wife and I sat down to watch this one last night, and found ourselves quickly bored, which is a shame. I like Brendan Fraser acting for the most part, from George of the Jungle to Mummy, and even including Bedazzled. But this flick just left me wishing I’d watched something else. And Josh Hutcherson can be a good actor as well, as we saw in the Bridge to Terabithia. Apparently he needs good directing and a good screen play to pull that off, both of which were missing from this movie.

Now, I’m sure my kids will enjoy this flick. There’s enough in the CGI department to entertain them, as well as a few moments of humor often enjoyed by them, such as T-Rex drooling on a kid’s face, or a piranha-like prehistoric fish about to bite the hiney off the leading lady. There was no profanity, that I recall, or anything else that my wife and I find objectionable for our chillens.

But there wasn’t much of anything to set it apart either. Oh, and the whole fight scene between Brendan and the man-size, meat-eating venus fly traps was rather silly.

Mother Goose’s main comment from the night? “I was hoping for something more… sophisticated.”

And we were both very disappointed.

Starring: David Hasselhoff, Lisa Rinna, Sandra Hess, Neil Roberts, Tracy Waterhouse, Ron Canada, and Dr. X.

Directing: Rod Hardy

At A Glance: After years of self-imposed exile, retired agent Nick Fury (David Hasselhoff) returns to the field to help S.H.I.E.L.D. fight global terrorism. HYDRA has once again reared its ugly head, but the children of Baron Von Strucker (Sandra Hess and Scott Heindl) are now at the helm instead of their father.

What the Goose? Before Samuel L. Jackson, there was the Hoff. This made for TV movie was surprising. Surprising, in that it was released in 1998 and I can’t figure out why I missed it on the Tube. I know I was married that year, with at least one child, the second born in October… I think we were in our house at that point. Ah well, perhaps that was one of the years we went without Cable TV.

Anyway, it’s not a terrible movie. It contained some entertaining dialogue in that, since it was made for TV, and it was 1998, they tried to actually avoid profanity. Such as when the Hoff states: “Let’s go kick some HYDRA butt!” Yeah, seriously. These days, you know that they wouldn’t have used “butt.” It felt very ’80s, despite being released in the late ’90s.

What did I get out of it? Well, mainly, it reinforced how huge the Hoff is. Physically, I mean. That guy is tall. Really tall. I don’t think I really noticed that before. I mean, I was watching KITT more in Knight Rider, and the scenery in Babewatch. Also, Sandra Hess makes for an enjoyable-to-watch Andrea Von Strucker / ‘Viper.’ She definitely had nice… wardrobe choices.

Did it hold true to the comics? I dunno. There weren’t any obviously super-powered heroes or villains, but there was a hellicarrier. There wasn’t a Black Widow, but Lisa Rinna was clad in tight leather quite often.

Anyway, if you enjoy a nice, campy romp through the comics and have some time to kill, give Nick Fury a try.